


trust only in the force

by tunafish (ghoulinside)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Feelings, Gen, Grief, Hurt, Losing Family, Psychometry, Spoilers (?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:29:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21732268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghoulinside/pseuds/tunafish
Summary: his emotions threatened to drown him. but for a Jedi, that would lead to his downfall.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	trust only in the force

Cal felt the chill of the Braccan rain seep into his bones. He fought his tears away, a sob catching in his throat as he cradled his master's motionless body to his chest. He felt the telltale rise of emotion in his very being, flooding him with fragments of his master, Jaro Tapal's life. Shutting his eyes tightly, Cal shuddered violently, hoping to repel the effects of his psychometry for a little while longer. Fresh emotions, fresh wounds. This won't do, my young Padawan. Once, he had scored the demeaning way his master seemed to address him with. Now, he wanted more than anything for him to gently squeeze his shoulder, to guide him through his meditations.

* * *

**Inhale.**

**Pause.**

**Exhale.**

* * *

His uncontrolled sense echo had been seen as dangerous among the Jedi Council. They'd warned him and all the other younglings he'd trained with for all his childhood, control your emotions, for they will be your downfall unchecked. To Cal, he never understood the harm it could bring. But now, he understood what the Jedi meant. Dread overtook his senses, filled to the brim with the grief of loss, composure long discarded.

* * *

**Inhale.**

**Pause.**

**Exhale.**

* * *

Dimly, he registered that despite everything that had transpired, his hands did not shake. He could have let out a bitter laugh if his throat wasn't so hoarse. Had he been screaming? Somewhere between launching out of the Star Destroyer and crash-landing on the surface of Bracca, he'd lost control of his body. Something deep inside of him had taken over and hastily guided him to safety, even if only for a little while. What had happened? How could their own clone troopers have betrayed them? Cal hadn't been with the 13th Battalion for long, but he'd grown close to them nonetheless. He'd bonded with them throughout the war, and he'd have given his life to save any of them. So why? He felt his head spin, emotions threatening to break free. Steadying his breathing, he tried to ground himself by meditating and reciting the Code, as he always had.

**There is no emotion, there is peace.**

_Cal's eyes grew wide as he watched the commander ready his blaster._

**There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.**

_Execute Order 66. He watched in horror as the clones seemingly snapped, obeying a command from an unseen entity._

**There is no passion, there is serenity.**

_He searched his master's face for signs of movement, a twitch of his mouth, a tremor in his jaw, or a furrow in his brow. But he found nothing but stillness._

**There is no chaos, there is harmony.**

_His small, calloused hands clutched the damaged saberstaff, still humming with the remnants of its previous wielder's lifeforce. This was all that remained of his master now._

**There is no death, there is the Force.**

_He gently laid his master's head down. Cal heeded his Jaro Tapal's last words to him, 'Trust only in the Force'._

* * *

Padawan braid long discarded, Cal had long since lost touch with his identity as a Jedi.

**Don't stand out.**

_He'd burned his robes on that fateful day, managing to scrounge a scrap of fabric that lay forgotten to serve as clothing, to hide himself from his hunters._

**Accept the past.**

_Once, he was a Padawan of a celebrated hero of the Republic. Now, he lived out his days salvaging the wreckage of starships for the Scrapper's Guild._

**Trust no one.**

_But Prauf had been kind. He'd taken him in, politely ignored the jarring scar across his jaw, didn't press Cal for answers when he'd stare off into the stars with that unblinking gaze._

**Trust only in the Force.**

_It had been so sudden. He felt the lurch, felt his balance tip and time all but slowed. As Prauf fell, his yell of warning still ringing in his ears, Cal reached his hand out and **pulled**. All at once, he felt the long abandoned threads of the Force respond to his call._

* * *

He couldn't hide any longer, for he was a Jedi, and he was done hiding.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! had to get this out of my system, comments are greatly appreciated <3


End file.
